Letting Grace Write The Narrative of Your Life

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Big Idea: You can't give grace to others if I don't have it first. 

Receiving is the First Step to Giving

I knew this lady once. She was a mom of two, and her kids could be pretty unruly. She was a young mom, and she tended to get really visibly upset when they would start acting up. 

Right in front of me, she would reprimand her kids in a way that was frustrated. Mean, even. It always made me feel really uncomfortable. 

Obviously disciplining kids is important, and there's a way to do it in love. I'm not saying parents shouldn't do that. But the way we do it matters. 

Doing it harshly, and red-faced with a raised voice? There is no grace in that. 

That's what made me uncomfortable. It was the thought that creeped in that maybe she always talked to them like that. All the time. I couldn't believe that someone could do that.

The Pendulum

Just as there's a way to discipline kids with love, there's also a way to do it that hurts their heart. And unfortunately, that's what I was seeing. 

When I thought back on it recently, the Lord spoke something to me and suddenly it made sense. 

She wasn't able to give her kids grace because she herself did not have it. 

How someone parents their child is often how they feel the Father parents them. 

Now, this is not a parenting blog, so I won't get too deep into this, but here's how this tends to play out...

If you're a helicopter parent, maybe it's because you believe that what you do is never sufficient. 

Maybe you deal with regret for past mistakes, and now you run your affairs like a military sergeant whipping yourself and others into shape — measures you feel are necessary to accomplish important tasks. 

You get things done, but other people find it constricting. 

Some swing all the way on the other side of the pendulum. 

An apathetic parent, fails to show a child enough attention to make them feel loved, and it is because love and care is distant from them. 

This Isn't About Parenting

This nugget of wisdom from the Lord (thanks God), goes so much deeper than parenting. 

It helps us understand human nature, and how the way we view God and our relationship with Him totally affects how we treat others. 

There are so many reasons why it is important to have a relationship with God - I literally couldn't count them all if I tried - but this is one of them!

Other people may be actively damaged by the fact that you are damaged. 

Because we tend to treat others how we have been treated. 

Knowing that we have to have grace to give it allows us to understand and empathize with people who don't show us grace. 

So, in some ways, this revelation cuts us some slack! Yay, us!

But in another sense, it is a convicting reminder...

That if we don't allow the Father to lavish his love on us, and deposit his love into our hearts, we will not be able to pour into others in a meaningful way because we cannot give what we do not have. 

My Messy House

Just like how I treat others depends largely depends on my relationship with God, oftentimes the ways we fail to extend grace to others is totally dependent on the ways we have not yet received grace. 

For example, let's say you wanted to come over to my house to hang out with me but I don't let you go in past the doorway because I know my house isn't very clean. 

You tell me, "I don't care if your house is messy, I just want to hang out with you!" 

This would be reflective of a way I am self-critical to the point of self-disqualification. 

I haven't received grace in this specific area of my life. 

When it comes to God's love for you, it is not dependent on your performance. He signed up for you, and all of your mess. 

So, to deny yourself the reception of love due to perceived unworthiness may seem humble but actually be indicative of something more insidious...what I truly perceive as un-forgivable. 

Maybe this means that if I go over to someone else's house that is extremely messy, I will be secretly disgusted as I judge them silently. 

Now this is just an example, but it shows how sometimes the ways that have not received grace from God causes us to not only be self-critical to a fault, but also unfairly judgmental of others. 

Maybe I need to receive that grace for myself first before I can ever extend it to someone else. 

Giving God the Pen

I have, in the past, fallen into a certain trap. 

I have thought that because I have made certain mistakes, that I am therefore disqualified in some way. 

Going back to the messy house analogy, maybe I refuse the help of a good friend who is offering to help me clean my house because I am so afraid of them seeing my mess. 

This is where receiving God's grace changes everything. 

Because the tactic of the enemy is to disqualify you completely. When you let the Accuser write the narrative — guess what? 

It's going to be an accusatory one. 

Receiving God's endless grace changes not only how I treat other, but also how I view my past mistakes. 

Now, I don't have to say that there's something inherently wrong with my house because things have gotten a little unruly in there. 

I can let my loving friend inside without fear of judgement. 

One who disqualifies me, is not one who truly loves me.

And when I let God take the pen and write the narrative of my life, He doesn't trash my entire story because of my mistakes and he certainly doesn't edit them out — he keeps them in so they can speak little of me and much of Him. 

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~ The Upcoming Blog ~

Why does receiving grace from God for all your shortcomings, insecurities, mistakes and secrets change the way you treat others?

Read more about it in the upcoming blog, How Our Perspective Can Shape Our Reality on The Way Everlasting Blog.